Thursday, November 13, 2008

I NEED TO VENT

OK here goes, I have had some pretty rotten times lately, now I know that there are others that have probably gone thru more than what I have but I just cant hardly take it anymore.

As you all know I work at the Parents Day out where the kids go. Well this year has been one stressful year I have 16 kids not so reliable help and just a lot has gone on this year that shouldn't.

Now the other factor is church. WE have merged well unofficially with Alta Loma, which with David being a deacon, on the transition committee, budget and finance, who knows what all else he always has a meeting, or something involving church, now don't get me wrong im thankful he is involved in church but I think sometimes he is too involved when we have 3 small kids at home.

I know I have the life that I have and I am thankful for my family but sometimes life is just too overwhelming like the 3 year old who will not stop talking to me right now while im trying to type. Im just a screaming person on the inside. I feel like all I ever do is try and have a relationship with he Lord things are good for a short time and then poof im back on that road where every time you try to take a step in the right direction you fall in this huge hole in the road and you get up to fall right back into the next one.

I know that the whole time we are here on earth we are not promised a bed of roses but sometimes I want to just go fall in a bed of roses and not worry about all I have to deal with sometimes.

Mentally, emotionally, and physically I'm exhausted. A lot of days I feel like all I do is just say Lord if I just make it thru this day.

Now today at work this other co-worker of mine was so awful to me that I have and am seriously considering whether or not I will return to work there. Now its such a catch 22 because my kids go there and love it, its a little bit of income, but I don't get a break from kids so the only benefit for me is a little extra cash and I keep thinking is it worth it? Is it worth dealing with 16 kids all day and then by the time you get home you have no patience what so ever with your own kids that you yell at them every time they open their mouth?, Is it worth it when you have to bear the load of someone else who just because their having a bad day you receive their wrath???? YOU know its just insane its like when Paul said "I do the things I don't want but don't do the things I should" so I'm faced with the decision whether or not I eliminate this stressful job and focus only on my family or continue in this situation for just a little extra cash? But then am I showing a quitter attitude just because I have a bad day??? Or I should say a bad last 2 weeks!!! SO anyway sorry for the unload but I just have to let it out..

2 comments:

Misty Burns said...

you poor thing. i am so sorry you are having a rotten time. I do understand about having "overload." I am with you! Just keep praying about what God would have you to do. He will let you know. Maybe there is something else you can do that will bring in some extra cash. You can vent anytime you want! we promise to listen (or read) hahaha.

kirsten said...

hey...i'm slow on the blog check in. wow, i hope this storm has passed but you KNOW we've been there...we will walk through this with you.